As I have said before...

I have to admit. I am an emotional person. There are few things I come across on God's Green Earth that do not cause me to feel some type of emotion. One emotion I find I frequently experience is anger. I am not talking about rage. I am not talking about an irate, out-of-control anger that causes me to get physical. I am simply talking about the emotion itself.

Now, even fewer things make me more angry than when I hear of someone being bullied. Even THINKING about it right now is causing me to get a little restless and uncomfortable as my emotions start to rise. Once again, I came across an article on CNN. I know, surprise, surprise! It's talking about what kids should do when they encounter bullying. Sometimes, fighting back may be the answer. In other situations, fighting (physically or otherwise) will do nothing but cause more grief for the one being bullied.

Here is the article: http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/31/living/bullying-fight-back/index.html?hpt=hp_t3

This is part of the article that really irked me a little bit...

Educators and legislators are under pressure to prevent bullying, and many schools are implementing programs such as A Classroom of Difference, Steps to Respect and Positive Behavior Intervention and Supports that teach empathy, interpersonal skills and respect for those who don't fit into the mainstream.

But not everyone agrees with this approach to managing bullying. There are vocal groups of naysayers who believe that focusing on social emotional skills training and urging students to be accepting of those who are different is leading to the weakening of America. They argue that bullying is really a form of socialization, asserting that kids who do not conform to society's expectations are bringing on their own troubles.

As someone who used to teach juvenile delinquents how to properly deal with their emotions and various other things they may come across in their lives, the second paragraph sent me over the edge. I condone what the first paragraph state and those who are teaching others to be more accepting of people who are "different." The second paragraph? UGH! Yes, we should ALL just conform to the same thing and be just like EVERYONE ELSE because that's the way to live life.

Let's think about what is popular in our society today.

• Sports
• Being skinny
• Having designer clothing
• Underage drinking
• Rap/Hip-Hop
• Trying to be like rap/hip-hop artists

Well, I really couldn't think of a whole lot off the top of my head. But I think I hit a few key ones in there. Look at the first one. I will be the first to admit, I love sports. There is nothing I love more (actually there is quite a bit that I do love more, but regardless) than a good game of volleyball. I love being active and being in shape (or at least trying). So, what of those people that DON'T like sports? Those who are hardly coordinated enough to hold a pencil, let alone run a 100m sprint in a straight line? They don't like sports, so they find something else they are interested in, such as music, arts, or whatever else. You know what else I enjoy (and wish I kept up with it)? Band. I quit in high school because I didn't want to be labeled a "band geek" by people I should have cared less about. I finally got my head on straight and rejoined the second semester of my senior year and loved being a part of it once again.

So what is this "group" trying to say? Those who do not enjoy the society's typical expectation should forget about what makes them happy, and just do what everyone else is doing, otherwise they are at fault for what happens to them? Hardly. The great thing about society and cultures is that there are so many things to learn and to be enjoyed. In fact, being someone who studied sociology in college, you come to find there is no such thing as "normal." That is not to say that a society doesn't have expectations, but what are those expectations for kids these days, really? I say, as long as they graduate high school they are conforming pretty well. Just because Bill likes playing the saxophone in band and Todd likes to play football does not mean either is any better than the other, and neither child is "right" when it comes to something they enjoy doing.

Those that shun and scorn someone for refraining from being like everyone else are the ones that are in the wrong. If we forced everyone to be like everyone else, we would be a society full of "plastics" and "jocks" from the movie Mean Girls.

I really have no idea where I am trying to go with this post, it just really makes me mad that people want to physically and emotionally hurt someone just because they don't fit their idea of how they should dress, act, and whatever else. It's kind of like someone who is homosexual. They are not conforming to what society says they should do, so they are ridiculed. But how does their way of life affect anyone else? It doesn't. How does someone affect someone else's life if one enjoys band and the other football? It doesn't. People just need to stay out of others' business and mind their own way of life before cursing someone else for theirs (unless that person is doing detrimental things to themselves or others).

And this one is for the road. I don't like the title, but sometimes, a bully just needs to be shown who really deserves to get their butt kicked...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEqniEvNcnk 

People...

Luke and I bought Avatar on Blu-Ray in 3D last night. That movie is amazing in and of itself, but in 3D... holy crap. It looks so awesome.

It has a wonderful message to it, too. Well, sort of. Maybe not so much of a message as it poses as what should be a wake-up call to people. What I have noticed about people around the world (and I am talking about various people, not ALL people) is that they ruin EVERYTHING.

Our environment has changed drastically over the centuries. I know we have to prosper as a species and whatever else, and I have no problem with that. BUT I hate the fact that there are people (especially people associated with big companies that thrive on ruining the environment to get whatever they need out of it) that have a blatant disregard for the environment.

Like the natives in Avatar, there are species, and even people from certain native cultures, on this planet that are suffering due to people ruining their habitat and their environment for their own benefit. It honestly makes me sick because we truly have no idea how precious those environments are to those species.

Nature is a beautiful thing and people forget to actually look at the worth of the environment instead of the profit they can make from destroying it. I am glad the government and other agencies and companies have come to realize the importance of preserving some of nature's most precious things. I just wish others around the world would come to this realization also, such as in the Amazon Rain Forest. It breaks my heart to think of how many millions of acres have been deforested for wood and residential areas. Soon, there will be no rain forest left, and the world will be an even emptier place because of it.

It truly is sad. I try not to think about it too much because it affects me so much, but I just hope more people around the world finally discover what they are destroying and try to start preserving it instead.

Sometimes, I have to remember...

I am a girl. Shocking, I know. Now, by my title, you may be a bit confused... "Sometimes she has to remember she is a girl? Strange..." Well, no not really. I am well aware of that, trust me. But what I mean is, sometimes I have to remember that because I am a girl, it is okay to be a little bit emotional sometimes.

In terms of certain emotions, I don't have a problem expressing them, such as anger... disgust... happy... etc. The one I do have a lot of problems with is sadness. I don't get sad too often, but when I do, I don't tend to acknowledge it and deal with it. I recognize that I am sad, but I don't tend to show it often and it ends up building up inside and just... exploding. The same goes for stress.

Lately, I have been SUPER emotional on the inside. I have been dealing with a lot of stress with finally getting our house, fretting about the payments and other things like that. Then, of course, my cat died, which never helps. I cried a little bit, but I don't feel like it was enough.

I have been building up so much stress lately, and not getting rid of it, that it has take a toll on me emotionally (obviously) and physically. I am tired a lot and really don't have a lot of energy to do anything. Although, if I would actually go out and exercise, I know I would feel a lot better, but eh... I just haven't gotten the urge to do so for a while.

Last weekend when Luke and I were driving to a wedding, I had a minor freak out session on him. First of all, I hate driving with him. We are completely incompatible when it comes to him giving me directions and me listening to said directions. It's frustrating. Not only that, but I haven't navigated Downtown Des Moines often enough to become used to its one-way streets... I HATE one-way streets. So, as he was telling me how to get to the entrance of a parking garage, I either wasn't listening close enough or just wasn't paying attention at all and I just... I don't it's hard to explain. But he then was like, "NO! I told you to go up to the stop light and then... blah blah blah..." I freaked out and said, "I don't know what I am doing!" and started crying... why? No idea. Well, actually, it was the stress of course. I was ruining my make-up for the reception too, NOT cool. Ha.

But after we went home for the night, I apologized to him and explained that I have just been really stressed lately and whatever else. Apology accepted and we moved on. That is the great thing I love about our relationship. We don't hold on to things for very long and forgive each other quickly.

Anyway. Another way I know I am super emotional and just need a good cry-fest is I found a song the other day while listening to Pandora. I have been on a classical/piano music kick lately, and I love it, so I was listening to the classical music station. A song called "Rocket to the Moon" by Jim Brickman played and I immediately wrote it down so I could find it on iTunes. For whatever reason, that song struck me. I have been listening to it non-stop for the passed three days without even becoming remotely sick of it. The emotional part of this? When I listen to it, I almost want to cry. Why? I have no idea! Maybe it's because it's just a beautiful song and for whatever reason just makes me feel that way. Or, it could be because I am an emotional time-bomb right now. Either way... Love that song

Also, while at work today, I have been thinking about a lot. Tonight is my last night EVER being labeled as an official resident of Shell Rock, Iowa. I never really thought I would be sad to leave, but it turns out, I really love that place, and if I could, I would live there for the rest of my life. Maybe I can talk Luke into moving when we are old :) ha. But, thinking about no longer being considered a resident of my hometown kind of makes me sad. Of course, I have a lot of memories in that town, and no longer being a resident is a true symbol of me becoming more independent and becoming an adult... ugh. Yes, I have almost started crying at work just thinking about it... emotions!

And, of course, as I stated before in a previous post, I will come home to the fact my cat is no longer there. It hasn't quite struck me yet and hasn't become a reality since she was alive when I came back to Des Moines two weeks ago and only heard word from my parents that she was gone. So, once I finally walk into my parents' house and don't her her claws tapping across the floors to come and greet me... when I don't see her following me up the stairs to come and sleep with me up in my room... it will finally sink in.

I REALLY want to let out all these emotions I am keeping in right now, but I don't really feel like I have had an opportune time to do so yet. Maybe when I am driving back to Shell Rock tonight, I will just let it all out. Of course, driving while crying is not the best thing or the safest thing to do while driving, but I hate crying in front of people. So, that may be my best bet since I will have two hours all by myself in the car. Maybe Grey's Anatomy can help me out too. I always get super sappy and cry at that show because, once again, I am a girl.

I don't have to remind myself of that, but I do have to remind myself that I can't always be strong and stone-faced when it comes to facing the not-so-pretty emotions I feel sometimes. I'll have a cry fest sooner or later... hopefully sooner though so I don't have to make Luke uncomfortable by crying like crazy for no reason. Ha.... emotions... bleh.

Things that make you go... GRR!!

Have you ever come across something someone said, or heard someone say something that just made you irate?

I will go back to one of my earlier posts about my boyfriend saying, "Why let it bother you."

That is a good question. Every time I come across something that makes me mad, I sit there and wish I weren't mad and that, whatever it was, didn't bother me. But the more I think about it, the more I realize I can't help but be mad sometimes.

Ever heard of Ann Coulter? Me either before tonight. I was browsing CNN at work and came across a headline that said, "Coulter calls Obama the "r-word."

At first, I thought it might be the word "racist" as in he is racist against all peoples who are not black (I read something last week from a friend's email about former secret service agents commenting about past and present Presidents and First Ladies... they said Michelle Obama hates all people are are not black.. true? I couldn't tell you, but it is interesting to hear). Now, as I was saying, I thought she used the word racist. However; she did in fact use the word (I will use it for now) RETARD.

Now, when I was younger, I used to use that word all the time. Why? I have no idea, but it was stuck in my vocabulary just like the word "like". I have a friend whose brother has some form of mental disability. I would use it around her, and she said she didn't care, so therefore, I thought that meant it was okay to use it all the time.

Ha, it is to laugh... I finally came to the realization in my later years (as if I am really that old) that the R-word should never be used to describe anything but for the sole definition (AKA to describe people with mental disabilities). But even then, I didn't like it. The word in and of itself just sounds so offensive. I can't imagine even talking to someone about another person with MR (mental retardation) and flat-out calling them a... well, you know...

How did she use this word in context? Through Twitter of course. I LOVE Twitter. I get to say whatever I want without caring about what anyone else thinks (except now, I have dulled down my language since my mother finally joined... sigh..). But this is what she said

Tweet #1 with the R word: "I highly approve of Romney's decision to be kind and gentle to the r-----.

That tweet alone received 3,183 re tweets and 1320 favorites.... You have got to be kidding. I have no party affiliation (and it's quite obvious she is a Republican), but it just makes me dislike any Republican affiliation even more with that many of her "supporters" condoning something like that.

Now, onto the second tweet, which in my opinion really shows how intelligent this woman is. She is supposedly a writer, but you don't have to be a writer (or a brainiac) to find the fault in this tweet (besides the use of the R word of course...)

Tweet #2 with the R word: "Obama: 'Stage 3 Romneysia' - because cancer references are HILARIOUS. If he's 'the smartest guy in the room' it must be one r-----ed room."

Hmm. Last time I checked, Amnesia isn't cancer. But, you never know with how many medical breakthroughs they are finding these days.

If you don't support President Obama, fine. That is on your own terms. Go ahead and insult him even, he's not the first President to endure insults. But for goodness sake, don't you think you could come up with something a little bit different than comparing him to someone who has mental disabilities? These people are the way they are through no fault of their own. The same can be said for people who hold racist stereotypes. People cannot decide what race they are. They are born that way. And you know what, same for LGBT!! I used to use the word GAY as an insult too, but not anymore because I finally realized how terrible of a person I was portraying myself to be.

People are supporting Coulter by saying she has the freedom of speech to say whatever she wants. Okay, fine. I am all for free speech, but when you try insult someone by using an offensive word in regards to someone who can't even stand up for themselves, you have got to be one low-life human being.

A lot of people think she is only doing this for attention. That may very well be, and attention she received. And if this was all an attention-grabbing stunt, it makes me wish even more I wasn't so upset by it. She is FEEDING off of people's angry responses to what she said. I myself even jabbed at her on Twitter. I just can't imagine why, if she wanted the attention, that she couldn't have used different words.

That is why I am so upset. Because people who use words like the R word have NO respect or regard for anyone else but themselves. I wouldn't even want to meet with her in person to discuss what she said because I would be SO heated about it, I would barely be able to keep myself calm. I would let my anger get the best of me and start yelling at her probably.. calling her a bitch... a C.U.Next.Tuesday, if you know what I mean, so in short, I would almost be stooping down to her level. But never again will I ever use words like that to describe someone or something I don't like or agree with. That is where I am on a completely different level than her. Am I better than she is? I am not saying that. I have my own problems too and am by no means perfect. But I at least have the respect for other human beings to refrain from using such degrading words.

I could go on and on about how mad I am right now, but I will probably just start repeating myself. So for now, I will leave you with this. Think before you speak. Cliche as it is, but those are definitely words to live by.

Oh and in case you were wanting to read the article... here it is >>

http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/23/living/ann-coulter-obama-tweet/index.html?hpt=us_t2

You have got to be kidding...

People these days... I swear, the more I read articles in the news and see reports on TV, the more faith I am losing in humanity, just for the simple fact people are just plain stupid.

http://www.wjla.com/articles/2012/10/hagerstown-teen-s-death-prompts-lawsuit-against-monster-energy-81276.html?hpt=ju_bn4

This article is about a mother who is suing Monster Energy Drink Co. because he daughter died when she went into cardiac arrest after drinking two 24-oz Monster Energy Drinks in less than 24 hours. Well, this might be something to look at, after all, I am sure there was nothing else out of the ordinary that she ate or drank throughout the day that would put her into such a state, right?

Well, wait a minute. This girl had a minor underlying heart condition. The article does not specify what type of condition it was, but I am assuming drinking two energy drinks within less than 24 hours did not help her any.

Listen here, mom. If you were at all concerned about your daughters health, maybe you wouldn't let her drink those things, especially if you were aware of your daughters underlying heart condition. I cannot fathom how she will win this "Wrongful Death" lawsuit because... her daughter made that choice to drink those drinks. It is not illegal for teens to drink them. Not only that, but are they even 100% sure that the Monsters caused her to go into cardiac arrest? Maybe, maybe not... The article doesn't say. Regardless. Those drinks are not meant to be consumed one right after the other. They have a lot of caffeine in them and could potentially be somewhat dangerous, but Monster does not recall any other death of this kind happening after someone has consumed their products.

It just amazes me that the mother wants to sue the company over something like this. It is a tragedy, yes, but the lawsuit in and of itself is silly for the mere fact I doubt she will win. Maybe she should have been a more responsible mother and monitored what her daughter was drinking before this happened. Hmm... those are just my thoughts on this matter.

Reality...

I continue to have dreams about my cat :(. I hate it because, in my dreams, I know she is gone, but somehow she comes back and is alive again, even though my subconscious is telling me otherwise. I have a feeling once I go back home this coming weekend to pack all of my stuff into a moving truck, it will finally become reality for me. She is gone, and I will never see her again.

I know this sounds so crazy, but if you have ever had a pet in your life, regardless of whether it was YOURS or a family pet, you become so attached, and it becomes hard to say goodbye and accept the death of a pet, just as it is hard to do the same with the death of a person. I haven't cried for a while, but I have a feeling once I go home, that will change once I realize my cat will never follow me upstairs to my bedroom so she can sleep with me on my bed... ever again. This sucks.

I don't understand...

What is the point of a college education anymore? I mean, really... I have my four-year degree and am currently working a job that does not require it. Why? Because I 'don't have enough experience for jobs that require me to have one'. Well, I have been out of school for a year and a half now, and I still don't understand how I don't have that experience. Let's be real, most places offer extensive trainings for the position anyway.

I am just completely disillusioned by the whole college thing now. Am I glad I got my degree? Yes. Should I have gone somewhere else? Maybe. I love my experience at a private college. It was where I met most of my close friends and also where I met my future husband. I traveled around Europe for 4 months and exerienced many great things. And I wouldn't trade those experiences for the world. Hindsight is 20-20, and I feel as thought I should have chosen to go somewhere cheaper, where I could have gotten a degree that means the same thing as my degree from a private college... if not more. I didn't do my research well enough before choosing a college.

I feel bad for my parents who have taken on some of the burden of paying for my college experience, though, when I apologized to my mother, she said it was all water under the bridge now, and they aren't hurting. But honestly, I should have gone to a community college and gotten my two-year degree. Most of the time, those degrees are so specific and give you hand-on training throughout your course work that you are ready to get the job in your field of study. And a lot of the times, those positions pay more!

I know education is one issue of great debate for the potential presidential candidates during this election, and I believe that, if someone is serious enough about furthering their education, almost everyone should go to college. But anymore, it's too expensive. Even with help form the government, people still have mounds and mounds of debt by the time they graduate. And that makes it even more difficult for them to make a decision to further their education even more by going to grad school and whatever else.

Student loan debt has surpassed the nation's average credit card debt. Is it worth it? Combined, with my student loans, Luke's student loans and the loan we just took out on our house... We are close to, if not over, $200,000 in debt right now. Those are some scary figures. It just really makes me wonder if I made the right choices. I know I will go back to school eventually, but not until I know I can afford it.

It's too late to go back and change everything now, but whenever I have kids and they are considereing going to college, I will MAKE them deeply consider what they want to go to college for and what that means as a lifetime commitment for them. Ugh...

Peace and Quiet

Ahh. I am currently at work. Why? Well, actually I have been here since 5 AM. I don't think I have woken up quite so early in quite a while. We are closing on our house today at 2 PM, and that just happens to be right in the middle of my regularly scheduled work day. How convenient, right? Well, actually, we were supposed to close a lot early today. In fact, our Purchase Agreement contract stated we were to close no later than 10 AM. Perfect. I start my work shift at 11:30 AM. It shouldn't take too long to sign a few documents, shake a few hands and do a happy dance.

But word got to us yesterday that the time had changed. Great. Now I have to figure out how in the world I am supposed to make my way over to the other side of the city in the middle of my work shift. I had to talk with my manager (which, by the way, was my first time ever meeting him and he's been my manager for a while now... strange), and I expressed I wanted to get as many hours as possible since we have been getting sent home early every night this week due to low work volume. He said to come in as early as possible. Well, turns out, as early as possible meant I was going to be here at 5 AM. I woke up at 4, grappled with my make-up and hair briefly, brushed my teeth, had a glass of milk and was out the door by 4:30.

I was literally the first person here. I mean, besides the overnight security guy that sits in the front lobby, I was the only person in the building at 4:45 AM. It was slightly eerie, but at the same time, VERY nice. I had the pleasure of sitting down, going to town on my work and enjoying some classical music via YouTube (which I just recently started listening to yesterday; it's a nice break from the usual music I listen to on a daily basis).

So, why am I so glad to have been here this early? Well, here is my problem. I tend to get annoyed. Very. Easily. Why? I honestly have no idea. I tend to like people at first, but as time goes on, the more I am around them (that is if I am not very close to them) I start to get annoyed. It only happens with a few people here and there. There is one middle-aged man that was in my training class. At first, I thought he was super nice and was a cool guy for his age. Now, I can't stand the sound of his voice. He is constantly arguing with the people he sits with (not in a disrespectful manner, but in a... I-know-everything manner), and he speaks so matter-of-fact-ly about everything as if he is know World Knowledge Bowl Champion. He is also constantly talking about food. Don't get me wrong. I love food just as much as the next person, but it's not something you need to talk about constantly.

Most of the time, I just put my ear buds into my ears without actually listening to anything just to drown out his voice a little and make it seems as though I am not interested in talking with him whatsoever... because I am not.

I am still nice to this guy, but I don't really go out of my way to have a conversation with him. I'll say hi, ask him how he is doing and whatever else, but I try to cut the conversation at that point. Does that make me a terrible person? I don't think so. Could I be slightly nicer? Maybe... but eh, I am not too worried about it at this point.

I try to talk to my boyfriend about my annoyances at work, but he just doesn't understand. He simply says, "Why do you let those things bother you?" Basically he is saying, I get annoyed too easily and worry about things I shouldn't worry about. He does it all the time. Well, Luke... Easier said than done. First of all, I am a girl. It is very hard to separate emotions from anything in life. Second of all, well, I guess I really don't have a second point, just that I wish I could make it as easy as he does. Just don't worry about that stuff and go on with my day. Forget about it. Bah. I wish it were that easy. Maybe it is, but I have yet to find a way to do that. I act as though nothing is bothering me, but inside, I am screaming.

I wonder what kinds of relaxation advice there is out there on "How to not let things bother you so much..." Hmm. I guess I will just continue to get annoyed by this man (and various other people) until I find this Holy Grail of Not Letting Things Bother you" of sorts. Bah....

This right here

This is what I'm talking about. FINALLY states in the US are standing up for what is RIGHT. And I can't wait until the rest of the states get their heads out of their butts and join in.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/18/justice/new-york-appeals-court-doma/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

Also, might I add that Iowa was one of the first states to legalize gay marriage. Awesome.

Check it out: I bet you didn't know these awesome facts about how Iowa has been keeping up with the times. Makes me proud to be an IOWAN!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLZZ6JD0g9Y

In my opinion...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsNlcr4frs4

We absolutely need more people like this. Why? So we can shoot down prejudices and look at people for who they are instead of what they are or what they look like. This brings me to tears and I could watch this over and over again.

Take a look

I don't know about you guys, but I absolutely LOVE hugs. If there is one thing that almost ALWAYS makes people feel better. It's a hug. And you know what? It really doesn't matter who the hug comes from. It could be someone who is near and dear to you, or it could be a complete stranger. That's the thing about hugs. It's the simple human contact that makes people feel better. One simple hug can brighten anyones day and turn it around completely. You never know when someone truly needs something to keep them from going into the mode of self-destruction. And that is why I love this video :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

Honestly...

I don't know how many people will actually religiously view my blog, but I STRONGLY encourage anyone to comment on any of my posts. I love having conversations with others.

Honestly. 

Too many thoughts

Have you ever heard the saying bad things happen in three's? I whole-heartedly believe in this. I experienced something of this nature a few years ago. First, my boyfriend (who is again my current boyfriend) ended our relationship on the third anniversary of my grandmother's death. How nice, right? Then within the same week, my grandmother's cat that we inherited (not the grandma that passed away three years ago at that time, a different one) went missing. Our 80-something-year-old neighbor found him by his shed. He didn't want to break my heart, so he took him down to our pasture and buried him while crying the entire time. That in and of itself breaks my heart. Bob is a good man. And lastly, my aunt and uncle were in a car accident that sent them to the hospital while on vacation with my parents. That ALL happened within a week and a half.

Granted, my boyfriend and I are back together, and my aunt and uncle are both in good health now, but the fact those three things happened one right after the other baffles me. It really worries me now that my cat has passed away. I still find it strange that it happened the day after I left my parents' house from visiting them. That is way too strange to be completely coincidental. I feel as though something bigger was at work this weekend, and I am glad to say I am grateful that I got to see my beloved childhood pet one last time. But it makes me wonder, will two more unfortunate events happen soon? I hope not. We have too many things going on lately that we really cannot afford to have something bad happen. We are closing on our first house on Friday, and that alone is just scary.

I am trying not to let my negative thoughts get the best of me, though they often do. I need to develop a stronger mindset at times, especially during times like these. My fingers will be crossed for a while that everything falls into place as it should.

And so it goes...

RIP, Kally. You were such a loving cat and a wonderful gift to have in my life. Nothing will ever replace you. You will always be my first kitty. :( 

Okay, here's the thing...

I have been waiting to touch on "touchy" subjects for a while. I don't ever feel like posting them on facebook because my condescending "friends" always feel they need to have a say in the opinions I am expressing. Mind you, I am talking solely about my  facebook friends, not my REAL friends who wouldn't be bitchy about stuff like that. Anyway, I also feel as though some people really don't care to see my opinions on facebook anyway. I can express them more openly and in depth on here anyway.

I want to touch on the subject of religion. I know what you're thinking...

"*GASP* Why would you want to do that?! That's too sensitive of a subject"

Well,  here's the thing. I have been a "Christian" my entire life. I have gone to church basically since I was born and have always considered myself one. More specifically, I am Methodist, which, in my biased opinion, is the best denomination one can be a part of. I feel as though the Methodist denomination is one of the most accepting denominations of the Christian faith. Now, let me specify why I placed Christian in "" in my first sentence. Over the past couple years, I have been struggling to understand my beliefs in God and the Christian Faith. In high school, I was in youth group and participating in Mission Trips around the country to help those less fortunate than I. I LOVED going on those trips, and I loved going to youth group because I felt as though it was so relatable, and it really helped me understand the type of person I should be.

Once I got into college, I stopped going to church on a regular basis. Everyone knows how difficult it is to get up on a Sunday morning to go to church, especially if you are a college student. I didn't do a whole lot of partying my freshman year, so that really had nothing to do with it. I just much rather preferred to sleep my Sunday's away than get up, get dressed, and go to MORE lectures. I can probably count on one hand how many times I went to church throughout college... at least while I was AT college. Whenever I went home, my mother forced me to go.

I wasn't quite turned off to Christianity to begin with in college, but I really started to drift farther away from wanting anything to do with it when my roommate was a "Bible-thumper." Now, I loved my roommate. She is one of the sweetest, most genuine people I know (then again I can say that about almost all my friends), BUT she was VERY Christian... Always quoting the Bible, always reading it, always trying to give me advice based on what the Bible says. Now, I won't deny, the Bible tries to  instill great morals in people. It no doubt has great lessons to teach people, especially children, but I don't want to be preached at by my roommate. They were always holding Bible studies in our room and one night they started talking about homosexuality That's when I decided I was fed up with what the Bible said. I will touch more on homosexuality later, maybe even in a different post, but let me be clear. I am ALL FOR GAY RIGHTS. Nothing can or ever will change my mind about that.

Alright, so, I started getting really turned off to it. First of all, WHY do we Christians think that Christianity is the way to Heaven and the way to be saved? Because "The Bible tells me so,"?? Well, let me drop some knowledge on you (although you may already know anyway). The Bible only accounts for the last 6,000 to 10,000 years of existence. Those that believe in Creationism, and especially those that are extreme Creationists, believe in a Young Earth--that the Earth is literally only 6,000 to 10,000 years old, everything that is written in Genesis is 100% FACT and evolution is absolute malarkey. Well, we have this wonderful thing called... dare I say it... SCIENCE. Is science always concrete?? No, but it has provided us a lot of information about a lot of things we thought we knew but were apparently making fools of ourselves over the last couple centuries. For example, the Earth is flat.. if you sail too far on the ocean, you will fall off the face of the Earth. The Sun revolves around us, etc. I really don't need to go on, do I? Well, scientists have provided us with a wonderful technology called Carbon Dating. Basically, what my understanding of this is without googling it, is that the scientists test the carbon still left in fossils, rocks and living organisms to get a rough estimate of how old something is. With the carbon dating done on such things, scientists have pretty much 100% proven that the earth is WAY more than 6,000 years old... More like 6 BILLION.... Okay, just googled it... more like 4-4.5 billion. Regardless, it's kind of hard to go against something like that...

Now, Creationist like to sit there and say, "Psh... Carbon Dating is so unreliable! That rock could be 400 years old to 4,000 years old. That's how unreliable it is." Well, sirs and madams... are you scientists? No? Okay, so shut up. Anyway, back to the "why" question. Before the Bible even accounts for human life and Jesus, there were civilizations that believed in multiple Gods. For example, the Greeks, The Romans, the Egyptians, Chinese... etc. Almost any civilization believed in multiple Gods. But wait, all of a sudden, one thing happens and walla! That's what you're supposed to believe in now. I have no qualms with the belief in Jesus, as there are records of him being a real person. Then again, there are records of the Prophet Mohammad being a real person as well. Both of these people were similar in the sense they were advocating for their "God" or their "Father" or whatever. So, who is to say that one is right and the other is wrong? And what about the other religions out there? Who is to say that their religion is any less legitimate than anyone else's? "Because the Bible tells me so." Hmm great excuse.

If we took the Bible literally for every word printed in there, oh man. I would be a little bit afraid of what society would be like right now. That's the other thing I do not like about Christians nowadays. People are basically picking and choosing what they want to believe and what they don't want to believe about what the Bible says. I watched a video the other day about a guy doing interviews that the Minnesota State Fair regarding why people were voting against same sex marriage. "Because the Bible says it's wrong." That's what a lot of people said. By that logic, the guy asking the questions said something along the line of, "Alright, so since being gay is a sin and marriage is only supposed to be between a man and a woman, and congress should have that power to deny that to people, the Bible also says that divorce is a sin as well, so shouldn't we have regulations against divorce and not let people do that?" Of course they all said no. But why not? The Bible says premarital sex is a sin as well. You know how many people have premarital sex nowadays? The bride should be stoned to death or executed for not being a virgin at her wedding, according to the Bible. So, shouldn't people who have had premarital sex not be allowed to marry since they have sinned as well? Just like the gays? Hmm... Most people would say no. Why? Because they have accepted premarital sex as part of a lifestyle nowadays, but we are STILL stuck on this whole "being gay is bad" thing.

I don't feel as though I need a book to tell me what my morals should and shouldn't be. I think I have those pretty well figured out for myself. Jesus preached that we should be accepting and love everyone, regardless of what they have done (in most cases anyway... I think it would be kind of difficult for even Jesus to accept and love someone like Hitler... though Ghandi did it...). But we have people like the members of the Westboro Baptist Church who take the Bible and the preachings of Jesus way out of context to only benefit themselves.

What's more is that Christians claim their faith as the RIGHT faith... the one EVERYONE should believe in because it's what God wants. What baffles me is that Jesus was JEWISH! There was no such faith as Christianity back then, and the Bible even says the Jews were the chosen people of God. How did that change? And don't even get me started on my views about the over-powering Catholic Church. I LOVE reading about and watching documentaries about the history of the Catholic Church, but if anyone knows anything about its history, it's a very dark, very dangerous history full of hypocrisy and hate. Well, maybe I won't go as far to say HATE, but I can't think of a suitable replacement word as of right now.

What I do like about some Christians and preachers of the Christian faith is they are becoming more modern in their belief systems. Just as "rules" have changed in the Bible about women cutting their hair and whatever else, they are adapting to the need to be more accepting of all peoples, especially those in the LGBT community. They have become more accepting of what science says and accept many of the scientific findings. Many pastors are no longer preaching homosexuality as a sin because of how far we have come in the technological and psychological studies of homosexuality. It's NOT a psychological disorder, it's NOT a disease, and the pastors that are in the right state of mind have accepted that. I just wish more people would come to terms with that.

I have lost touch with my faith in recent years because I have felt as though a lot of Christians are hypocritical... "Love everyone except..." "Never do this except when..." They are always making exceptions for things when it will benefit them. Now, I am not pooling all Christians in here, but there are a lot of people out there who are like that. I believe in a higher power. Heck, I might even believe in the Christian God, but until Christians stop using the Bible as a crutch for their own benefit, I will find it very hard for me to want to call myself a Christian and want to be associated as such. I myself feel like a hypocrite by calling myself a Christian simply for the fact I hardly believe much of what the Bible dictates us to do anymore. "A Christian person would be accepting of all the Bible says and live their life accordingly." Well, not me. For now, I am going to believe what I believe about my morals and values. I am going to believe in a higher power because I feel there is one out there somewhere. So what am I exactly? I called myself a Christian at the beginning, but am now kind of denouncing it here. I am still not even sure of that myself. But as far as Christianity goes, I am kind of laying that by the wayside for now until the hypocrisy and demand that "the Bible is concrete" ways of thinking subside.

All the emotions

I can hardly bring myself to say it out loud. It's one of those things that is inevitable, and you know it, but that doesn't make it any easier. Tonight may very well be one of the last times I will ever see the cat I have had almost my entire life.

Some people scoff at how attached people get to their pets. I find it sad that they can't even bring themselves to love a creature that can love them almost more than any human being. I have best friends, and they are very dear to my heart. But the pets I have grown up with are on the same level as those friends, just in a different category.

As of yet, Kally (the cat) hasn't shown too many signs of old age. Or, at least that's what I like to tell myself. Growing up, she was a very plump kitty. It was probably somewhat over exaggerated by all the fur she has, but there was no denying she was a 14 pound cat. But she was healthy nevertheless. She has never been too spastic of a cat, and those are the cats that I like--the ones that lay around all day, snuggle with you, and let you pet their stomach for more than three seconds before going bipolar and deciding they don't like it and ravage your hand.

But, as I continue to write this a few days after I started, she has been moving closer and closer towards that downhill slope. I have had quite a few pets in my life. My family would always get dogs from the Humane Society, so they were a few years old already when we adopted them. I know what it is like to lose a pet by taking them to the vet because it's too hard for them to go on without any pain. I have also lost pets unexpectedly as well. Either way is difficult to deal with.

However; I have a feeling the loss of my cat will be one of the most heartbreaking losses I will have experienced to date in terms of pets. She is MY cat. The only reason why we got her was because I wanted a cat. Granted, she has lived with my parents for her entire life, but everyone knows she's mine.

I feel so guilty for being away for the past five years while at college and then moving to Des Moines. I know there was no way I could have taken her with me, but I just feel it is unfortunate that I had to spend the last good years of her life away from her.

Within the past few days, she has started to eat less and hide herself under my parents bed for no reason. She is so skinny now, it's hard to imagine she could lose any more weight. My dad think she has cancer, but the vet never mentioned it. It's just very difficult for me to bear because this last weekend may very well be the last time I see her.

It's amazing how animals can make such a difference in someones life. We can't afford it right now, but I am hoping my boyfriend and I will be able to get a pet (dog, cat, whatever) a few months after we move into our house. I have never lived without a pet, and I would feel so empty without one.

I just hope right now Kally isn't in a lot of pain and just goes on her own. I don't want my parents to have to take her to the vet to have her put down. I cannot imagine what it is going to be like going home and not having her there, but that is something that I will just have to accept over time... I'm sorry this is such a sad post, but I needed to talk about it somewhere....

You know...

You know what inspires me and impresses me most about the human population? Despite all the terrible things and all the terrible people in the world, there are still those people who go out of their way to help others.

In most cases, these people are helping others out of the goodness of their hearts, without any form of repayment or monitary reward. It really restores my faith in humanity and makes me want to be a better person. It reminds me that not everyone is terrible. Not everyone is only in it for themselves. Can you just imagine what we, as humans, could accomplish if everyone was like that? Take a look at these pictures and tell me you don't have at least a little more hope for our future.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/pictures-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity

Makes me think...

If these stories don't tug at your heart strings, then you must be a brainless zombie. I was reading them at work and had to fight back tears... They definitely make you think...

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2Fn0ZO/:MMqLd-Q2:He2sJr$b/www.marcandangel.com/2010/12/27/101-short-stories-that-will-leave-you-smiling-crying-and-thinking/

Things I wish I'D known...

Okay, so today, I was browsing my beloved CNN.com to read articles. My mother hates the fact I read CNN because she thinks they are filling my head with a bunch of Democratic bull crap, and she is afraid that I will convert to the Dark Side. For the record, I am neither a republican nor Democrat. I sway slightly Democratic in the sense that I am for Social Equality and whatnot, but I am well aware the Democrats usually have a spending problem, much like I do when I start seeing everything I could possibly want to buy when I have something more important I need to save for (say... a house...).

Nevertheless, Mama KP, as I call her, was almost in tears a few months ago when I told her I wasn't sure if I would be voting in this year's election. Mind you, this is all irrelevant to what I am actually going to write about, but whatever. She kept pressuring me to vote for Romney because," Obama is ruining this country, and if he gets elected again, Kelsey... I don't know... It just scares me. It can't happen." Is my mom a little over dramatic sometimes? Yes. Yes, she is. But I can't help but agree that Obama's "shopping spree" hasn't exactly done this country a lot of good. Okay, probably more about my political views later, but onto my main point...

So, I found an "article" of sorts on CNN about today being International Day of the Girl. It's a day dedicated to, well, girls. It's a day to advocate for girls'/women's rights and make others aware of gender issues in every part of the world. Here is the article >>>
http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/11/world/gallery/international-day-of-the-girl/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

It asked many prominent women around the world what advice they would give their 15-year-old self if they could. I have always wondered what I might tell myself. Granted, I am only 23 years old and hardly in a position to say, "Back in my day..." But, at the ripe age of 23, I have had a lot of time to mull over the decisions I have made in the last, let's say 10 years of my life.

For one, I would tell my 15-year-old self that family and friends are #1. How cliche, right? But honestly. I lost my grandmother a week and a half after I graduated high school. I have had a lot of regrets in terms of not spending enough time with her and not appreciating her as much as I should have. I realize, now that I am older, I would give almost anything to have her back in my life. I see a lot of people my age who still have grandparents and take them for granted or treat them poorly. It makes me sick. I wish I could tell them what I see, but I really don't see it as any of my business. But, I miss my grandmother every day and am sometimes almost brought to tears when I think about her. It has been over five years since she passed, but it's still fresh in my mind. In terms of my friends, I have been very fortunate to keep my very close friends from high school, as well as develop close friendships with college friends. I have a "wandering mind" as I like to call it because I am constantly thinking of worst case scenarios and "what ifs," so I try to make the most of the time I get to spend with them, even though many of them live some distance away.

Secondly, I would tell my 15-year-old self that, although I many be an only child and be one of the most important things in my parents' life, that does not mean that their entire world has to revolve around me. I think back to how I used to act when I was that age and am kind of disgusted. It's hard to describe in context, but compared to how I am now, I feel as though I was pretty selfish, but definitely not to the extreme. I feel as though I never really appreciated all my parents did for me back then. I never exactly asked for a lot from them, but whenever they would randomly give me something or let me do something, I never really realized how awesome they were. There are a lot of families out there who are far from being as fortunate as I have been and as my parents are, so I have come to realize it is important to be thankful for a loving family and to be sure to let them know how you appreciate them.

Third, I would tell my 15-year-old self that hard work is one of the most rewarding things anyone can ever do. In high school, I was blessed with the talent of being able to use my own gifted abilities and smarts to get me by. I never studied for tests and always got A's and B's. I worked hard when it came to sports, but looking back, I realize I could have done a lot more to make myself better. It was almost a shock when I got to college when I realized, "Oh, my gosh. I actually have to try." It never sank in until about my Junior year that I couldn't skid by on my natural abilities anymore. I actually have to force myself to read the material, learn it, digest it and be able to retain it for some period of time. It was then that I started setting goals for myself in terms of grades. I achieved those goals and have never been more proud of myself. I feel as though once I find my "dream job," those same ambitions will pop up again and I will surprise myself at just how much I can accomplish in a career.

Fourth, I would tell my 15-year-old self that being a failure at something does not make you a failure at life. As I said earlier, when I was younger, I was able to accomplish things with minimal effort. I have found very few things in my life that I have not been good at (basketball and physics being two of them). But, when I do come across those things, it's hard for me to accept. I am someone who does not like to fail. I took my failures in high school so personally, I almost let them eat me alive. But, if it weren't for my failures--my failed relationships, my failed tests, my failed attempts at something sporty--I wouldn't know the true meaning of the aforementioned point of hard work. There is a point in every one's lives where they  are going to have to accept that they will simply not be able to achieve at something. I am not trying to pull anyone down off their pedestal or anything like that, but I feel as though it is important for people to realize and recognize those things. Does it mean that all their time and effort into that area was all for not and in vein? Absolutely not. What's more important is they pat themselves on the back, acknowledge that they tried their best and go on with life. When someone realizes this, they will be able to put forth more effort into something and be able to achieve great things. Life's failures are nothing more than stepping stones to greater achievements.

I hope I haven't bored the absolute crap out of any of you (if anyone actually ever reads this). I do have a lot more things that I would tell my younger self, but I felt as though those were the things that stuck out most prominently in my brain. Never forget who is important in your life. Don't take your family and all they do for you for granted. Work hard. And accept life's failures for what they are.

If you are able, I would love for anyone to share a few things they might tell their younger selves if they ever got the chance. Thanks!

KP