Well, It's Official....

I am agnostic. I only say it is official because I posted it on Facebook.

I just felt really guilty about keeping "Methodist" on there because I am not really sure WHAT I believe in anymore. I felt more like a hypocrite than anything else.

Part of me REALLY wants to continue believing in God and Jesus Christ, mainly because my grandma was a very religious woman, and I want to live a life that would make her happy. But I shouldn't sacrifice my own happiness to satisfy my dead grandmother. My mother is always pressuring me to go to church, so that is another reason why I feel as though I should still try to believe.

But nearly every fiber of my being is telling me that logic is against religion--that history itself is against religion. I find it really hard to argue against science. Science is something that is tested and verified. Religion has no scientific or logical basis. It cannot be tested. It was only spread by word-of-mouth and written by humans.

And how am I supposed to believe that out of all the religions that have been and are now, that ONLY ONE of them can be, "The Way, The Truth, and The Light."

Because Jesus Christ was real? How do we know? And who are we to deny that any of the other long-held beliefs by polytheists are incorrect?

I don't like to argue with people about this because I don't know enough about the history of religion nor do I know the amount that I wish to know about science. So, normally when it comes to talking with other people about religion vs. science, I keep my mouth shut.

However, I just finished watching two documentaries about Christianity, and I would have to say, they have solidified my developing belief that I don't believe in the Christian God. These documentaries were, "The God That Wasn't There," and, "Religulous." Out of all the religions that came and went before any talk of Christ, they are all wrong? How? Says who? A few men who decided to write down what they heard a voice in their head telling them? Hmm. I don't think so.

Life-Long Secrets

I am very fortunate to have a job where I listen to music, tune out the world and just lose myself. However; more often than not, I find myself wanting to listen to talk radio versus music. Don't get me wrong. I love music. Any and all kinds (almost). But it just gets to the point where I get sick of hearing the same things over and over again. So recently, I have downloaded a few apps on my phone so I can just listen to people talking. I usually listen to the previous night's NBC Nightly News broadcast on, "Tune In," then I listen to the Elvis Duran Replay Channel on, "iHeart Radio."  But today I was introduced to something new.

I have some new friends at work and one of them has been experiencing the same kind of lack of interest in listening to music at work. She suggested I try listening to this broadcast called, "This American Life." According to it's website, it's a weekly public radio broadcast. The themes of each broadcast change and are kind of like documentaries. They are usually about an hour long. So today, my friend suggest I listen to the broadcast she had just listened to. It was a broadcast from 2008 called, "Switched at Birth." It's a story about two families who had baby girls, and, somehow, the girls were given to the wrong parents.

This isn't something that happens every day. Especially nowadays when hospitals have gotten so much more diligent with their records and whatnot. However, this happened back in 1951. It didn't used to happen a lot back in those days either, so when it does, it's kind of a big deal. The babies who were accidentally switched at birth had no idea until they were 43 years old. So, of course the question is, how did they find out after so long? Well, here's the kicker--one of the mothers knew almost from day one that the child they brought home was not theirs.

Of course, the next question would be, how could this woman go 43 years, knowing she had the wrong child, knowing what family the child actually belonged to and knowing the hospital made a BIG mistake without telling someone? It turns out this mother told her husband she believed they had the wrong child. He believed her, but told her they should just let it go. They should keep quiet and just raise that child as their own because it was God's will that they were placed with that child. Of course there weren't too many tests back then to determine whether or not this mother was correct because DNA testing did not come about for 30 or so more years. When it was available, the mother had blood tests done to confirm her thoughts, and the only reason why the women ever found out was because this mother wrote letters to both the child that she raised and her biological daughter that was raised by another family.

This story made me quite sad because the daughter of the family who was unaware of the switch always felt like an outcast in her family. Her siblings were outgoing and personable and she was somewhat shy and reserved. She didn't have a great relationship with one of her brothers, and when the family was made aware of the switch, that brother sought out his biological sister and made an instant connection. This made the daughter even more of an outcast in her family. Not only was she not really "theirs" but it all made sense as to why she was always an outcast and they never tried to welcome her in after they found out.

What makes me upset is the fact that, not only did the one family know the whole time, but many families in the community knew as well. The mother who knew kept trying to drop hints to the other mother that their children might actually be each other's, but they were too subtle and somewhat strange for the other mother to pick up on. And what makes me the most upset is the fact that the one father, who was actually an Evangelical minister, kept telling his wife to just forget about the fact they were raising the wrong child. That it was God's will. She said she obeyed her husband because she knew if she didn't, it would be the end of their marriage. And back in the 1950's, wives faced public scrutiny if they disobeyed their husbands.

I just cannot imagine going through almost half of my life knowing I had the wrong child and knowing what family had my real child. I can't imagine that I would be that submissive to my husband to not follow my instincts to seek out my real child earlier in their life. I would never believe that it was God's will to keep the wrong child, especially if I knew. I would be under the impression that it's God's will that I found out and it would be my duty to make the other family aware. It's just hard for me to comprehend. It wouldn't make me love that child any less. I guess it would kind of be like adopting another person's child, but it wasn't done willingly. Just knowing my real child was given to someone else by accident would drive me crazy.

Can you imagine going through the better part of your life keeping a secret like that? It's no wonder she had to come out with it eventually.

Well, it's been a while...

Since I have posted ANYTHING. 

We FINALLY got internet at our house on Sunday. And, you know, we have only had our house since the end of OCTOBER. About damn time in my opinion, but I digress. 

I am kind of in one of those moods where I have SO much on my mind that I just want to write about everything and anything. So, I am just going to be lame and fill out some get-to-know you questions. I actually really love doing these because it makes me think more about aspects about myself that I really don't think about too often. And it helps you (whoever you are) get to know the person behind the computer. Although, I don't think I really have too many people read this too often. Oh well. 

Favorites

1. What was your favorite food when you were a child?

I really loved pickles, and I still do. Pickles and peanut butter was something my mom and I would eat all the time. Don't knock it 'til you try it. It's delicious.

2. What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?

Well, I had this favorite song in high school, and if my actual old, ghetto iPod kept track of how many times my songs have been played (my parents' old computer did), I could tell you the exact number, but I can't. However, I can tell you that I know for sure that the song "Badd" by Mike Jones and the Ying Yang Twins was played probably about 100 more times than the next most-played song. Just gets me pumped up for whatever reason. Ha.

3. What is one of your favorite quotes?

Ad Astra Per Aspera. It's Latin for: To the stars through difficulty. I actually have it tattooed on my right rib cage. It serves as a reminder that not everything in life comes easily, and that's ok.

4. What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?

My favorite indoor activity... hmm. Well, sleeping is awesome. I am not going to include my REAL favorite indoor activity because it is answered in question 6. Outdoor activity... I really just love being outside, especially when it starts to get warm. This winter seems to have been especially long and cold compared to the last, and I am just ready to start going on walks and runs outside and to enjoy nature!!

5. What chore do you absolutely hate doing?

All of them? I really hate folding laundry. I pretty much wait about a week after doing laundry to actually fold it. We have a dishwasher, so the dishes do themselves and... well... I like to think the house doesn't get THAT dirty that I need to clean every week. I am sure a lot of people would disagree, and I know I am just lying to myself, but for now, I am fine with that. Ha.

6. What is your favorite form of exercise?

I am in love with volleyball. Specifically indoor/court volleyball. Sand volleyball is fun because you can get down and dirty and dive for balls without the threat of seriously injuring yourself like you would diving on a hard-wood floor, but hitting is my strong point for volleyball, so I prefer court volleyball. Unfortunately, my body is starting to show the wear and tear it has experienced through all of my sporting years. My knees hurt almost all the time now from playing league volleyball lately, and I am pretty sure that's not a good thing...

7. What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?

Favorite time of day would have to be when I can come home and just relax. Day of the week is any day that doesn't involve work the next day. Month would have to be any month between May and October. I am starting to love April and May more and more lately now that I have realized all the pretty and delicious-smelling flowers come out at those times. Spring better get here soon, damn it.

8. What’s your least favorite mode of transportation?

I don't really have a least favorite. Taxis maybe. Public transit in big cities is aweome. Favorite though... I'll be honest, I love rollerblading. If I could rollerblade everywhere, I would. I also really love to ride bikes. Unfortunately, the only bike I currently own is one I got when I was 10. I was pretty tall back then, too, but I am definitely taller now and the seat is pulled all the way up, and it's still not high enough. I wish bikes weren't so damn expensive. Time to look on Craigslist I guess.

9. What is your favorite body part?

Of mine? I would have to say from my mid-thighs down to right above my ankles. I feel like my legs have always been a good feature, and they are SUPER long. But since I have stopped playing sports and lifting... they have suffered. I am trying to start a lifting regimen again, but I keep putting it off. And why stop right above my ankles? Ankles are just not attractive, and I have sprained mine so many times, they aren't something pretty to look at.

10. What sound do you love?

This is probably a lot of people's favorite sound, but I really just love thunderstorms. There is nothing like sitting out in the garage or under a covered porch and watching/listening to a thunderstorm in the spring and summer. 

If's

1. If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for?

I think throwing a Ancient Greece/Ancient Roman party would be AWESOME. It would be filled with lots of alcohol and food, togas and olive branch crowns. And I would throw because I frickin' can. I don't need a reason.

2. If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint?

I would probably paint the scenery I saw outside of our hostel in Florence, Italy. It was kind of foggy when I saw it, and it wasn't exactly the most beautiful time of year for that area, but it was still gorgeous. Or, I would paint the river and the famous bridge in Florence. I can't remember what the bridge is called, but it has houses/apartments on it that people actually live in. It was pretty cool.

3. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?

Twenty-one would be nice. Old enough to partake in adult beverages and whatnot, but I don't feel like people take you seriously enough at that age still. I would probably go with somewhere between 24 and 28. Those seem like prime years.

4. If you knew the world was ending in 2012, what would you do differently?

Apparently, this is an old list because, well, I am still here and it's 2013. BUT, I would probably get more involved in things, like clubs and organizations, go back to school and major in something I am REALLY passionate about and spend less time worrying about what other people think.

5. If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor?

I would have to go with someone like Gandhi. I feel like I worry too often and stress about things that don't need to be stressed about. Also, I tend to get a little angrier about things than I would like to sometimes, so I would just like to learn his calming ways. Ha, ha.

6. If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be?

I am not quite sure about that one. I feel like most of the events that really interest me are catastrophic ones, and I don't want to creep anyone out by saying I would love to see the Titanic sink. That just makes me seems heartless. I recently saw Schindler's List for the first time, and I guess I would have loved to have been there at the end when the war ended and he "freed" all of the Jews he had working for him. That would be incredible.

7. If you could learn to do anything, what would it be?

I think it would be fun to be a surgeon. It would be stressful, but to have that kind of skill would be awesome. Neurosurgeon maybe?

8. If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be?

I think it would be cool to train for a triathlon. I am not sure if that really constitutes as a "project" though. Or, I would really love to work on projects for non-profit, world-bettering organizations.

9. If you were immortal for a day, what would you do?

Skydive, bungee jump, scuba dive in dangerous waters, save people from car wrecks... you know.. the usual.

10. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?

Not really sure I like this question. I don't really think my name suits me in the first place , but even then it's hard to imagine any other name. Maybe Charlotte after my grandma. I would pick my other grandma's name since I was closer with her, but her name was Thelma Elnora Bandfield, sooooo..................... Elnora isn't too bad I guess...

11. If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet?

I think it would be interesting to meet the post-war Hilter... just to see how he liked getting his ass kicked.

12. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do?

I know this sounds lame, but pay off all my debts. Then pay off some of my family's debts and my friends' debts too. Then I would probably buy something big.

13. If you were reincarnated as an animal/drink/ice cream flavor, what would it be?

Animal: Chinchilla. Those things are so darn cute and fuzzy.

Drink: a Dirty Shirley. Who doesn't love a Shirley Temple with some Vodka?

Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate Caramel. Because that shit is delicious.

14. If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be?

What about the next best thing.... Do Aliens exist? Or, is there a higher being? Or, why don't we have a 4-day work-week?

15. If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose?

Dr. Gregory House. (The female version??)

Personal

1. Which celebrity do you get mistaken for?

I was once told I kind of look like the girl from Step Up 2, but no... I don't. At all.

2. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Well, I am kind of already grown up, so it's a little late for that question, but I would still like to pursue something in the medical/mental health field... I still got tiiiiiiiiiiime.

3. When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time?

Internet. Lame. But true.

4. What would you name the autobiography of your life?

The Least Interesting Book About Someone's Life You'll Ever Read... Probably.

5. What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life?

My iTunes Library. Enough said. 

History

1. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best?

I am not going to say something lame like a break-up because I have already had enough lame answers anyway. So, I will say the time I was in a car that ran over my best friend. Yes. You read that correctly. I am a lot more cautious and appreciative of the fragility of life now that I know how close I came to losing someone I cared about in a tragic accident.

2. What was one of the best parties you've ever been to?

Uh...? Can't say that I have ever really been to any SUPER AWESOME parties. So... yeah.

3. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up?

Either Grey's Anatomy or Long Island Medium. I am a sucker.

4. What’s the hardest thing you've ever done?

Quit volleyball in college. Pretty much gave up on myself.

5. What was the last experience that made you a stronger person?

Coming to terms with the fact I wasted precious time I could have spent with my grandma before she passed away. I try not to waste any time I spend or can spend with anyone I care about anymore.

6. What did you do growing up that got you into trouble?

Talked back to my mom, but as soon as my dad came in the room, I shut my mouth REAL quick. If you've ever seen my dad, you'd know why.

7. When was the last time you had an amazing meal?

Probably the last time I ate a GOOD steak. Can't remember when that was, though.

8. What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received?

No comment? I really don't tend to think of gifts that way. But, best "gift" I guess would have been my parents allowing me to study in London for a semester? Yeah, that was pretty awesome.

9. What do you miss most about being a kid?

Having a relatively care-free life.

10. What is your first memory of being really excited?

Before I went to my first concert. And YES, it was Garth Brooks. I was 7.

11. What was the first thing you bought with your own money?

The first REAL thing I bought besides food was a trampoline. Saved up my money for what seemed like forever for that puppy.

12. When was the last time you were nervous?

Playing in an intense match of volleyball last week. I wasn't sure if we were going to win it or not. But don't worry. We did. Ha, ha.

13. What is something you learned in the last week?

Don't throw up over a bridge during St. Patrick's Day when cops are right next to you. Luckily, they didn't say anything to me.

14. What story does your family always tell about you?

The time I was screaming my head off, waiting in line to go to some fair. I wouldn't shut up and my dad was getting pissed, so he gave me two good swats on my butt and that was that. I was quiet for the rest of the day. Ha.

15. At what age did you become an adult?

I still don't feel like I am an adult. I am an adult, I work a full-time job, and I have financial responsibilities, but I don't think I am quite and "adult" yet.

Rando Commando

1. Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate.

I have yet to see a picture that can immediately make me think of 1000 legitimate words to describe it, so no. Maybe more like 56 words.

2. Where’s Waldo?

I'd tell you, but I would have to kill you first. Yes, you heard me... first.

3. The best part of waking up is?

Realizing you still have 3 more hours to sleep.

4. How now brown cow?

Ask the screaming goats.

Hope you didn't die or boredom reading this.